


Meant To Be Yours

by illonimo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, The Poe / Reader is really light for right now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25099897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illonimo/pseuds/illonimo
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Poe Dameron/Reader
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

_“I love you, Ben.” Your voice whispered against the skin of his shoulder, your hair brushing the underside of his chin. Your fingers lightly massaged his shoulder blades while your other hand weaved its way through his hair. As the words slipped through your lips the arm he had around you tightened, pulling your body flush against his. He didn’t speak but you hoped it was a sign of returned feelings. You didn’t know if this was going to last, you didn’t know if once the two of you were Jedi if you’d act like this never happened; so you wanted to cherish the moment in case it wasn’t._

_“I love you too.” His words were unexpected as they wrapped around your heart and squeezed. “More than you’ll ever know.” And like that he knocked the air right out of your lungs, taking every bit of you he could. You could feel your doubts being swept away if only for the moment and you rested your head against his chest, his heartbeat echoing in your ears._

* * *

Sweat coated your skin as you sat up in your bed, chest heavy as you tried to pull the air back into your lungs. As your breathing evened out you threw the blankets that were left on the bed to the side, swinging your legs to the edge of the bed. Pulling yourself to your feet you made your way into the bathroom attached to your quarters, your nails scratching at your skin. You could feel his skin on yours, the weight of his arm feeling like it was still securely around your waist. You didn’t want to feel it, you didn’t want to feel him on your skin anymore. Your chest felt heavy and hollow as you took a deep breath. Pain stirred at the never-healing wound, each vivid detail from the dream seeming to dig at it.

Stepping into your shower you turned the faucet, the icy water raining down on you. Using the cloth hanging in front of you, you scrubbed at your skin until you couldn’t feel his presence on you anymore. He was reaching out more and more, trying to find you and avoiding him was getting harder each day. Finishing your shower quickly you exited your bathroom and walked back into your room.

Pulling on your short dark grey robes as you looked over the datapad on your desk. You were going on an information recovery mission with Poe to Jakku so you made sure that your lightsaber was strapped to your belt along with your blaster. You didn’t use the lightsaber often, it gave away too much and wasn’t a secure fighting method depending on where you were at and where you were going, Jakku was one of those places.

As you exited your room you came face to face with your favorite pilot, his eyes meeting yours.

“You look rough, long night?” Poe spoke up as you two both started walking towards the Command Room.

“No rougher than usual.” You caught his worried look and sighed. “Don’t look so down Dameron, I’m fine.” You lightly bumped into him, hoping his frown would crack but the most it did was soften.

“You say that but each time I see you the bags under your eyes have gotten darker, more prominent.” He let out a breath. “You just seem like you are closing yourself off from us, from me.” At his last bit, your boots scuffed against the ground, kicking up dust as you came to a stop, your eyes glued to him. He stopped a few steps ahead of you and you could see his head drop.

“Poe.” His name was barely a whisper from your lips. “You know-,” You were cut off by him hold up his hand, halting your words. He wanted something you weren’t sure you could give, something you weren’t sure you could feel again. And hell, maybe a small part of you wanted to feel it too, wanted to give it to him; but it was more complicated than that.

“I know, I know.” He turned and faced you, his eyes meeting yours. “You don’t have to say it. I know that this won’t ever happen,” he motioned with a finger between the both of you, “just don’t shut me out.” He sighed and turned back around, both of you falling into silence. You didn’t want to hurt him or anyone but you were a time bomb, everyone who was Force-sensitive seemed to be and you didn’t want to take anyone out with you, especially him.

* * *

“Poe we have to hurry up.” You commented, walking back into Lor San Tekka’s small hut, BB-8 rolling past you to take watch outside. You watched as Lor San Tekka gently set a small pouch in Poe’s hand, closing his hand around it. Your heart clenched at the thought that the small pouch hid the secret to where your master had disappeared off to. The secret of what happened that night.

“This will begin to make things right.” Lor San Tekka spoke, his eyes glancing at you before turning back to Poe. “I’ve traveled too far and seen too much to ignore the despair in the galaxy.” He took his hand from Poe’s, sitting back on his stool. “Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.” His eyes moved to you, his eyes flicking down to the lightsaber hooked to your belt.

“Well because of you, we have a chance,” Poe spoke up. “The General has been after this for a long time.” Poe glanced at the pouch then back to Lor San Tekka.

“The General? To me she is royalty.” Lor San Tekka’s words made you smile. It was hard to find someone who shared your sentiment about General Organa. When first meeting her as a child you looked up to her as a Princess. You remembered being so envious of Ben because his mother was Leia Organa.

“Well, she certainly is that.” Poe chuckled, nodding. As you turned to exit the hut you nearly found yourself run down by BB-8, the small droid beeping frantically. Both you and Poe shared a look as you unhooked your blaster from your belt and he turned back to Lor San Tekka. “We’ve got company.” Poe and Lor San Tekka followed you from the hut, BB-8 at your heels and Poe came to stand next to you, pulling out his binoculars. You glanced around the small village met with scrambling people and yells of terrified men and women.

“Poe, it’s them.” You spoke, resting a hand on his arm. His eyes came to meet yours and you offered him a small nod as he looked back towards the cruisers coming towards the village.

“You have to hide.” He spoke to Lor San Tekka who approached you, his eyes also on the cruiser.

“You two need to leave.” He retorted and you and both swung back to look at him. “Go,” He nodded to Poe before glancing at you and nodding. A warning bell caught your attention in the background and you felt Poe tug on your wrist as you kept eye contact with Lor San Tekka. He was going to sacrifice himself so you two would have enough time to escape, you could see it in his eyes.

Your feet reluctantly moved in the direction Poe was pulling you, gaining speed when you eventually turned. The cruisers began to land as you jumped over obstacles and ran around weapon wielding villagers. As you ran over the hill your X-Wings were hidden behind you heard the stomping of boots.

“Come on BB-8 hurry.” Poe beckoned the small droid who was rolling as fast as he could behind Poe. You came up next to your X-Wing, hoisting yourself up the ladder as quickly as possible and pulling the helmet on as Poe did the same. Blaster shots could be heard echoing, the screams and yells of both Stormtroopers and the villagers intermittent between the blaster fire. As you started up the controls your screen flashed with several warning signs as spark flew from the back. Cursing under your breath you met Poe’s eyes, as an explosion rang out behind you and him. The same frustration echoed in his eyes as you pulled yourself from your seat, sliding down the ladder meeting him on the ground.

You ran to the back of the X-Wings, sharing another look with Poe as you saw they weren’t going to be able to fly.

“There is no way we are getting out of here, not now.” You told him, glancing to make sure there were no incoming Stormtroopers but instead of any incoming fights you were met with the slaughtering of the villagers. Fire burst from a flamethrower, burning homes and supplies and people. You glanced at Poe as she looked onto the scene ahead of you and you cleared your throat. “Poe,” You could stand around all night, you couldn’t let the First Order get the map.

“I know.” He struggled to get inside the pouch, his hands shaking. He pulled out the small fragment that was inside, the key to winning this war. You watched as he knelt down to BB-8 and took a deep breath. “Take this, it’s safer with you then it is with me.” BB-8 opened a small compartment on his front panel and Poe stuck the piece in carefully. “You get as far away from here as you can. Do you hear me?” BB-8 let out a series of beeps and Poe sighed. “We’ll come back for you.” Poe stood up, glancing at you and you nodded to him, already moving towards the fighting. “You’ll be alright.” You watched as the small droid rolled away quickly into the darkness.

You and Poe took cover behind two hills, each of you taking a deep breath before aiming your blasters to take out the Stormtroopers. Your blaster shots took out a handful of Stormtroopers, Poe’s doing the same if not more. You noticed his blaster fire had ceased and you looked over at him, his gaze elsewhere.

Your gaze followed his and through the cloud of black smoke lights emerged until it revealed an Upsilon-class shuttle. On the ground, the Stormtroopers rounded up the citizens all except Lor San Tekka who was being escorted by two different Stormtroopers. A familiar feeling bit at you and you furrowed your brow as the ship landed, the bay doors opening immediately.

A figure emerged from the shuttle, dressed in all black their face hidden by a black mask. A shudder ran through you as you felt the Force twist around the person, full of hate and anger.

**_A Sith._ **

Your curiosity got the better of you as you moved forward, catching the panicked look in Poe’s eye as you did so.The cloaked figure walked off of the ship approaching Lor San Tekka, two Stormtroopers escorting him by the arms.

“Look at how old you’ve become.” The man spoke, the voice was altered but it was easy to tell through the distortion.

“Something far worse has happened to you.” Lor San Tekka’s voice was almost sad as he looked on to the man. Perhaps they had met before, perhaps Lor San Tekka only knew him from myth. He was unfamiliar to you but you had often fought from the skies or stayed on base as security detail for General Organa.

“You know what I’ve come for.” The man spoke calmly.

“I know where you come from before you called yourself Kylo Ren.” You could feel your body freeze, every inch of you tense up.

_Kylo Ren._

You had heard the name before, many times around the base. He was a military leader with the First Order and part of the Knights of Ren.

**Just like Ben.**

“The map to Skywalker, we know you found it.” Kylo Ren moved around Lor San Tekka’s words and the man himself. He walked in front of Lor San Tekka with his hand behind his back. “And now you are going to give it to the First Order.”

“The First Order odes from the Darkside.” Lor San Tekka continued to ignore Kylo Ren’s demands. “You did not.” His words seemed to affect the other and Kylo Ren got close to Lor San Tekka, almost in his face.

“I will show you the Darkside.” He quipped, annoyance running through the distorted voice overtaking his once calm demeanor.

“You may try, but you cannot deny the truth,” Lor San Tekka spoke, his voice almost sad, this was personal to him, “that is your family.”

“You’re so right.” Kylo’s voice was peaceful again but eerily so as the familiar sound of a lightsaber activating enter your ears. You came out of cover, your blaster tightly held in one hand, your lightsaber in the other as you walked closer, Poe following not so far behind. You watched as the red, unstable lightsaber cut through Lor San Tekka. The lightsaber spit like fire, it was so unstable that the Force around it twisted in on itself over and over again curling into a tight ball like a snake would before striking.

Poe shot a blaster beam towards Kylo Ren only to be face to face with the helmeted man. You watched as the blaster shot froze in the air, the Force holding it there even though it demanded to move, surging but being put back in its place. But it wasn’t the only thing, he had gotten Poe as well.

You used the Force trying to push what he was using away from Poe, enough to where you could pull him towards you but once you had gained Kylo Ren’s attention you almost wished you hadn’t. A familiar pull tugged at you, one you had felt that very morning before the mission, one you had longed for and resented all at the same time.

_**Ben.** _

So consumed by your thoughts you found yourself restrained, your arms forced behind your back at an uncomfortable position as you were towed along with Poe. Poe was forced to the ground first, then yourself. You could fill your blood burning. If this man was him, if it was Ben then knowing he was alive was worse than thinking he had died.

The man dropped in a crouch, the face of his helmet glaring back at Poe.

“So who talks first?” Poe spoke up and you felt annoyance run through you. “You talk first? I talk first?” He spouted off the line of questioning.

“The old man gave it to you.” By the tone of his voice, Kylo wasn’t entertained by Poe’s babbling.

“It’s just so hard to understand you with all of the,” Poe motioned with his hand to the helmet Kylo was wearing and Kylo stood up.

“Search him.” As the Stormtroopers pulled Poe up and patted him down you could feel his stare on you. “And how about you?” A Stormtrooper hoisted you up, bringing you to face the helmeted man. You could feel him prodding at your mind, testing to see what you would do, what you would give up. Using the Force you promptly shoved back causing him to tilt his head.

“There is nothing sir.” The Stormtrooper who was searching Poe spoke up, bring you back to reality.

“Put him on board.” He spoke calmly, his gaze shifting back to you. “Her too.” Both you and Poe were dragged back towards the shuttle, the sounds of screams behind you along with blaster fire.

“ _No_ ,” Poe breathed out and you struggled aimlessly against the Stormtrooper who had a hold of you. After the screams stopped the rest of the Stormtroopers piled into the cruisers, each one taking off one after the other.


	2. Chapter 2

As the shuttles landed you felt yourself being pulled down the ramp with Poe, the Stormtrooper that had a hold of you tightening their grip on you as you struggled slightly. You were led through the shuttle bay, your eyes traveling around the area you were being led through.

“Ren wants her in a private room,” A silver plated Stormtrooper spoke, her voice making even you feel small. You were jerked away from Poe’s side and you met the panic in his eyes with your own wide eyes, his handcuffed hands reaching out towards yours.

“Leave her alone,” He struggled harshly against the Stormtroopers grip, nearly coming loose before he was harshly struck, the blow hard enough to render him dazed. You were dragged down the hall opposite of him, his eyes meeting yours one last time before the door you were being dragged through shut.

Your mind was racing as you sat in the small chair, your hands handcuffed securely behind you. You had been there for hours, the ticking clock on the wall alerting you to that much. It was all that had kept you company since you felt Poe’s lifeforce slip farther and farther away, the only logical reason being the worst thing you could think of. And the very thought made you want to vomit.

Your thoughts were silenced as the door opened to the room you were in, a familiar cloaked figure promptly making its way into the room. You glared up at the figure, anger, and confusion boiling under your skin. This man had killed Lor San Tekka in cold blood, he had the village massacred; he was a monster.

“I wasn’t aware when you and your friend were brought on board I managed to collect two of the Resistance’s best pilots along with the only Jedi in the Resistance.” Gritting your teeth you pushed his prodding mind from yours. In this you managed to catch glimpses of his own, catching glimpses of a familiar burning building, the smell of burning bodies, the sound of lightsabers clashing.

_**The temple.** _

It shouldn’t have surprised you, he was a Knight of Ren. They were the ones who had helped Ben, the ones that helped him destroy your home. The ones who took Ben and your friends away from you.

“Who are you?” You demanded. “Stop hiding behind that helmet.” You hadn’t expected him to comply and were caught off guard as he clicked the release on the helmet. You watched as the front mouthpiece moved with a small hiss and his hands come to the sides of the helmet. It was easy to see his movements were hesitant and you could feel yourself bracing for the worse.

Meeting familiar brown eyes it felt as if all the air was being sucked from your lungs. You hadn’t wanted it to have been him. You didn’t want him to be the monster behind the mask. Part of you wished it to have been one of the others that had turned with him, someone you could look in the eyes and hate. But not him.

_**Not Ben.** _

You could feel unwanted tears sting at the corners of your eyes and you finally looked away from the man in front of you, away from someone who had held your heart captive no matter how much you had willed it away.

“I’ve been looking for you for a very long time Y/N.” He spoke softly and you could see him from your peripheral vision stepping closer. “I’ve reached out to you time and time again. Trying to find where you ran and hid.” His gloved hand lightly caressed the side of your face and you tried your hardest not to flinch from its cool leather touch. “I never thought I’d find you with Resistance scum on Jakku.” He gently cupped his hand under your chin, pulling your gaze to meet his.

You could remember all the times you had found yourself lost in those once soft eyes. Ones that caused your face to flood with color even though you knew it was wrong. They had captured your attention over of Luke’s lessons, they had gotten you to agree to things you had never imagined you would have agreed to. They were ones you could feel yourself even getting lost in even now when he was supposed to be the enemy.

_And it tore you apart._

“Ben,” Your voice cracked as it exited your lips and you could feel your chest tighten. To say his name out loud, to say it to him once again; it was unreal. You had accepted you’d never see him again, it was something you had accepted early on, not that it made it any easier.

“It’s Kylo now.” His voice was still soft but the tone was no longer loving. It was stiff as if the use of his real name had brought him discomfort. “You will learn these things, you will learn everything.” His tone returned to the loving one and you searched his eyes for answers.

“ _Everything_?” You asked hesitantly.

“In time, yes.” Time. You didn’t like that word. Time meant you would be staying. Time meant you weren’t going to be able to leave. That you would be a prisoner of the First Order. Your eyes continued to search his but you found a wall, one that not even you could find a way around. He was shutting you out. “For now you must rest.” As he spoke you could feel his cool leather gloves making their way to your temple and your eyes widened. Force Stasis was the last thing you wanted to be the victim of but it seemed to be a new trick of his if the blaster bolt on Jakku was any indication. You barely felt the leather stroke your skin before you were overtaken with unconsciousness.

* * *

The first thing you could feel when you gained consciousness was the soft sheets against your skin. It was obvious your robes had been removed, leaving you in your undershirt and training pants. You opened your eyes hesitantly, cautiously scanning the room as you slowly sat up. It was not much different from your room back at the base other than the size difference and color scheme. Standing from the bed you steadied you shaky legs before glancing around the room more. It seemed like you were alone and you let out a sigh of relief.

Facing Ben again wasn’t what you wanted, you didn’t want to be on this ship. But he was keeping you here and you weren’t sure if it was really for himself or if it was for his Supreme Leader. He was no longer your Ben, he was Kylo Ren and who knew what he was capable of.

A small whisper in the Force around you caused you to spin on your heel. It was Dark, something covered in pain and hate, something familiar. You had felt it on Ben when you had first seen him on Jakku. It was a Sith or something left of one, it had to be. Your feet carried you after the feeling, coming to a door on the other side of Ben’s room. Gritting your teeth you prepared yourself for whatever it could be as you hit the control panel.

As the door opened the whisper became more a steady flow and you cautiously stepped into the room, your eyes trying to focus on the object in the beam of light. Upon focusing your eyes widened, immediately looking away.

_**Darth Vader’s melted mask.** _

_How had he gotten this? How long had he had it? Was this what had twisted his mind?_

Too many questions echoed in your mind and you turned from the object, the implications of its darkness almost too much for you to handle. Ben had this thing for a reason, the reason almost being too much for you to process. Did he plan to finish what his grandfather started? You knew the First Order was shaped after the Empire, masked leader and all but the fact that it was Ben seemed to hold some sort of sick sense of humor in it.

Moving back into the bedroom you gritted your teeth, the door shutting behind you. Why would Ben do this? Why would he think this was right? Just who was this Supreme Leader?

The door to the room opened and you looked up meeting the familiar silver plated Stormtrooper from earlier.

“I have orders from Ren to bring you to the Bridge.” Her voice was cold and stoic as she motioned for you to exit before her, though as you did so you noticed her closeness. Either Ben has warned her you could run or she was still very cautious of you as well. Or it was both.

As you entered the room where she led you, you noticed how people cowered from Ben, even if he paid them no mind. They avoided any space he took up, some even skirting around him if they had to pass. At the sight of their fear anger boiled up inside of you mixing with the realization that the man you loved was no longer the one who stood in front of you.

“Thank you, Captain,” Ben spoke coldly, no real appreciation behind his cold words as he turned to glance at your still form, just inches from his side. “I brought you out here to show you the First Order’s true power.” Those very words made you want to throw up. You could hear the workers around you begin to hurry in their actions, most calling out their actions as they flipped various switches.

The floor started to rumble and your focus was brought to the window you and he looked out of, a red light gathering your attention along with some workers who came to stand at the windows next to you. The light soon turned to various beams and you watched as they shot out from their origin and across the length of the window.

_Where were they going?_

Realization hit you as you realized which way they were headed.

_**The New Republic.** _

“Oh my god,” The words fell from your mouth and you looked on in horror as they continued to their destination, only getting confirmation on where they were going when someone let out the notice that the various planets had been destroyed. Pain swelled in your chest at the thoughts of all those lost, all of the innocents that had just died.

This was not **power** , this was _**murder**_.


End file.
